Monday, June 17, 2019

Father's Day #5

"Every breath I take, every move I make, every bond I break, every step I take, I know you'll be watching me." 

Happy Father's Day papito lindo. Te extrano muchisimo. Te mando un beso y un abrazote. Tu Pata.

Thursday, June 6, 2019

Beyoncé - Me, Myself and I

To The Left

We’re in a car - filled with silence - the tension is so thick you can slice through it.
His foot is on the pedal – angry as hell – and these tears won’t stop falling.
He looks at me in disgust – like I’m swine swimming in filth.
I look onward not breaking my gaze from the passing lights.
If I just focus on something – something – maybe he’ll let it go.
Foolish me.
I turn the radio on and she sings to me, “Me, myself, and I”.
I start singing along – I turn up the volume and for a split second I feel fearless.
I can pick myself up and I can let this go, “And there ain’t no need to cry".
He aggressively slams on the radio knob and I snap back to reality.
I turn it back on and he grabs me, his nails digging into my arm.
He asks, “Is this your stupid motivation to leave me?”
He laughs at me. I don’t respond back. I sit back, and I take it.   
I continue to take his repulsion towards me, his insults, and his child-like tantrums.
But who’s more of a child? The one who stays or the one who acts this way?
Foolish me.

Thursday, May 23, 2019

A Decade Later

ten years later and this blog still stands,
this blog is filled with so much,
so many versions of myself.
it has years of grammatical errors,
painful lessons,
laugh until you cry moments,
a few broken hearts,
unbroken friendships,
and friendships that sailed away.
there's so much of me here,
and so much of you, as well.
there's fragments of my father,
and fragments of my imagination.
my first real break up.
my son's tiny struggles,
and the struggles within me.
there's music that lifted my spirits,
& songs that couldn't comfort me.
there's the in between moments of
despair and confusion,
finding the light,
sitting in darkness,
and then finding and losing myself,
over & over again.
a handful of concrete friendships that were built here.
there's a list of  my tiny accomplishments,
and a bigger list of all my failures,
the pick me up's and those behind them.
there's my marriage,
and the love of my life.
my husband,
my children,
and the present.
i am who i am because of all of this,
thank you.

Lizzo - Truth Hurts

Monday, May 20, 2019

Wednesday, May 8, 2019

Baby Mom's & Dad's

One thing that I’ve learned over the years is to not use my child as bait or as a reward for the other parent. Unfortunately, not all mothers and fathers stay together forever – whatever the circumstances might be, that’s in the past; so make peace with yourself and keep moving forward. Don’t keep your child from seeing the other parent over discontent, dissatisfaction with an adult. Don't speak out on emotions that will have a repercussion. Your child is paying the price for it. The root of this comes from unhappiness from within – it has nothing to do with the other person. Take meticulous steps, process your thoughts thoroughly, and figure out why you respond to the other parent the way you do. Why are unnecessary words spoken, why are things so hostile between one another, why can’t you work it out? Your priority is your child not your personal needs nor your pride. In order to raise a child, both parents have to be on the same page – not necessarily all the time but they must be amicable between one another for the sake of their children. And communicate. . . communication is key. I’m no expert but I learned this the hard way. Long ago, I struggled with this and I had to take a good look in the mirror and self-reflect on why I behaved the way I did. Why was I so bitter towards the father of my child?

Although, I was not a single mother, I sometimes felt that way. He got to have a stress-free week and weekends while I was stuck at home with our child. My mentality had to change or else we would continue this toxic relationship. First of all, this other person, like yourself, has a life of their own. It’s unfortunate that it’s not with you or your child 24/7 but things happen for a reason. So, I stopped complaining, stopped the negativity, and I asked for help when I really needed it. I did everything in my power to be there for my son, but I asked for help when it was necessary. I never used my son as leverage or planted guilt on his father for not being there at school events or doctor appointments.  He tries to be there for him as much as he can, and that is enough for me. I keep in consideration that he has a private life of his own and he deals with his own personal issues that I know nothing about. And once in a while I let him know that I’m grateful for his efforts and that I’m happy he’s there for his child every other weekend. It seems some parents want more than that though. Take a look at your circumstances at home and make peace with whatever demons still rattle your bones. Let go and let God.

And for the parents that are missing out on their children - honestly, that's their loss. So, don't stress about it at all. I hope this helps struggling mothers and fathers out there. Be kind to one another – your children pay attention to everything you say and do.

Thursday, April 25, 2019

Fornite Theme Party

I had so much fun planning my nephew's birthday party. I love how everything came out - most importantly I love how much he loved his dessert table. Happy 6th birthday Tebis, tia loves you so so so much!


Wednesday, April 24, 2019