Friday, December 10, 2010

Complicated Pearl

It has to be the whiskey in my body  & the timing of this note. I can't comprehend this. I just can't take it anymore. I'm broken and no one can fix that. I can't take the solitude any longer. And I'm sitting here crying my eyes out because after all this time I still see him in my dreams- in my nightmares. Its been more than a year, that's how long I've been alone. And this emptiness is filling up. It has reached its maximum capacity. And there is no more room left and this cup is tilting over. I'm broken. What now? I'm scattered all the over the place and I can't even get myself together. I need you God more than ever. I need my strength back. I need the old "me" back. What do you really want Perla?

I want to love again. I want to trust again. I want to feel that excitement run through my veins. I want all my electrons, neutrons, and protons to make sense of it all but not completely. I want to wake up and have him in  mind. I want his absence to affect me, to make me foolish, to yearn for his presence. I want to hear & feel this broken heart beat. I want to feel alive again.

Another old entry from my journal. Peace.


Anonymous said...

Everytime I read your blogs, it kind of reminds me a lil bit about me... the past the present maybe the future

Sometimes I'm scared of what will and can happen between my boyfriend and I.... Bad or Good, but I try not to think about the negative... anyhow BLAH!!!

You are super beautiful,and I'm pretty sure God has a man for you (somewhere) :)

We go through the bitterness before we get to the sweetness!!!

Carmen Lee

PQT said...

Sincere thanks Carmen. Best of luck with you & your honey. Never be afraid to set your expections to high. At the end it's all about the climb. Thank you once again! :)