My Last Few Pages

September 20, 2011

Writing early in the morning has to be indisputably the preeminent boss of all writing. Your thoughts are fresh, the mind isn’t cluttered with use less information you read or absorb throughout the day. It’s just your body, mind, and soul. I’m in need of a new journal and a poignant yet rewarding feeling jumbles on inside of me. It took me a whole year to fill it up with my words and sincere thoughts. And I fought my will to go back and reread it but I failed last night. Page after page, you can see the fury inside of me just by my handwriting. And I’ve concluded the following:

The heart is superior to the mind. Or at least it should be. And the mind is analogous to a drug - you malnourish yourself with thoughts that are sometimes completely opposite to the actual situation. You dose yourself with massive amount of lies and tolerate with what “isn’t”. And like a drug addict you don’t take into consideration the most imperative, vital concept. . . . your heart. Sometimes you have to ask yourself. “Is this all worth it?” Find a person you trust with your eyes close, knowing he will be there to catch you when you fall back. That’s somebody worth holding on too.

Stop trying to convince yourself that “one day” he will be “the man” you have accepted to love. You can be madly in love with someone you don’t trust at all. But what’s the point of that? Waking up everyday with the thought of him cheating or lying on the regular has now become part of your norms. First comes trust then comes love. Never forget that sequence. And if you find a man you can trust in that confident blind way but aren’t in love with him quite yet. In time as the bond between you two continues to grow, love will blossom accordingly.

I know I know, take your own advice Perla. But I’m the writer of my life story. And although I can’t go back and edit a few hard lessons learned, I don’t regret a damn thing. Accept me for who I am or don’t accept me at all. And these were the paragraphs of my last few pages. On to the next one. Peace.

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