I Need A Doctor, To Bring Me Back To Life

May 09, 2012


"But I don't even know if I believe it when I'm saying that. . . .
doubt starting to creep in, everyday it's just so grey & black.
Hope - I just need a ray of that." - Em
Hope that you can give me that.

Do I like him? Yes, I do. But I’m a smart girl. I don’t let my emotions control me. I’ve learned to keep my emotions under wrap and just carry on positively. As soon as I start feeling “sprung” I start shifting away from it. It’s a self defense mechanism that’s developed over time. My past relationships have molded me into this person I sometimes don’t recognize. I’m still getting to know myself more and more everyday. You can look into my eyes and see the past lurking behind them. And I’m trying to change that. I’ve been trying for several years.

And He knows this. He accepts this. What more do I want from a man? He’s independent. He’s genuine. He’s educated. And He puts a smile on my face. When I’m around Him, I just want to a squeeze the living breath out of him!! I don’t care who sees’ or who comments on us. But then again I do. Because I’ve been alone for so long, I don’t know how to be any other way.

Most God occurring things are out of my reach but I’ve also learned to overcome things that I can get a grasp on. He’s too young. He’s full of life. He enjoys the high this young world provides. So what Perla? The thing is . . . I over analyze. . . I over think. . .I evaluate and consider every possibility. I calculate the odds and the wins in my favor. I ponder too much for my own sake.

But this time I won’t fall back. I will keep seeing Him. I will rejuvenate these feelings and just go with the flow. I will be vigilant and imprudent at the same time. I will recoil. I will recite this in my mind so profoundly that it will not have a choice but to just recognize that this is what I really want at the time.

Save your speeches. I don’t give a fuck. Peace.

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