"But I don't even know if I believe it when I'm saying that. . . .
doubt starting to creep in, everyday it's just so grey & black.
Hope - I just need a ray of that." - Em
Hope that you can give me that.
Hope that you can give me that.
Do I like him? Yes, I do. But I’m a smart girl. I don’t let
my emotions control me. I’ve learned to keep my emotions under wrap and just
carry on positively. As soon as I start feeling “sprung” I start shifting away
from it. It’s a self defense mechanism that’s developed over time. My past relationships
have molded me into this person I sometimes don’t recognize. I’m still getting
to know myself more and more everyday. You can look into my eyes and see the
past lurking behind them. And I’m trying to change that. I’ve been trying for
several years.
And He knows this. He accepts this. What more do I want from
a man? He’s independent. He’s genuine. He’s educated. And He puts a smile on my
face. When I’m around Him, I just want to a squeeze the living breath out of
him!! I don’t care who sees’ or who comments on us. But then again I do.
Because I’ve been alone for so long, I don’t know how to be any other way.
Most God occurring things are out of my reach but I’ve also
learned to overcome things that I can get a grasp on. He’s too young. He’s full
of life. He enjoys the high this young world provides. So what Perla? The thing
is . . . I over analyze. . . I over think. . .I evaluate and consider every possibility.
I calculate the odds and the wins in my favor. I ponder too much for my own
sake.
But this time I won’t fall back. I will keep seeing Him. I
will rejuvenate these feelings and just go with the flow. I will be vigilant and
imprudent at the same time. I will recoil. I will recite this in my mind so
profoundly that it will not have a choice but to just recognize that this is
what I really want at the time.
Save your speeches. I don’t give a fuck. Peace.
2 comments:
I wish you nothing but the best. Its scary huh...
Un dia a la vez
xoxo
SI!
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