It's been a very hard week. My father has been on my mind every single day. Previous weeks I've managed to dwindle those thoughts away but I failed terribly this week. Everything reminds me of him. I may seem perfectly fine on the outside but internally I'm emotionally strained. I write him tiny notes here and there, knowing he's out there reading them and nodding his head in disappointment. Truth is. . . a part of me died along with him that Friday. A part of me I never knew existed. My heart misses him and my mind is in agreement. And I thought I was stronger than this. But I feel like I'm not. This pain is different; it's not like anything I've ever felt before - Nothing compares to this heartache. And I just want this pain to go away. I want to wake up and not feel. I'd prefer not to feel. I want to be numb to it. But how do I null everything out without losing myself? Losing the man I'm in love with? Losing my best friends? My family? To feel everything is a curse and a blessing all warped in one. It's called being human, a sensible one at that.