"For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn't understand growth, it would look like complete destruction."
I cried all the way home
I fueled my sadness with music
Just for a few minutes
I let go of all the agony
And it felt damn good
I go days and weeks without thinking of you
I temporarily forget in a way
And then the misery
Of not having you around settles back in
And I'm back to square one
But feeling this way
Keeps every memory of you alive
It makes it more real
You were here
Your love was real
It keeps me grounded
I love you and I miss you
It's been pretty hectic around here but the dust is finally starting to settle down. It's hard driving passed all these houses and seeing all their belongings out in the street. Most of it is furniture, mattresses, and crumbled drywall. But just imagine losing almost everything you've worked for over night. That's literally what happened here, many Houstonian's went to bed that Saturday night just to find their world crumbling down the following morning.
I am grateful that my family and friends were not drastically affected by hurricane Harvey. Sure my brother lost his car but he still has a home. My son's father had a few inches of water inside his house, most of the drywall had to be removed and a few things were tossed out but he's grateful it wasn't more than that. In a very fucked up way, that's the only way you can positively look at something so catastrophic. . . you take what you have left and you tell yourself that it could've been worst.
I am thankful for first responders, like my sister, who worked 12 hour shifts, patrolling the streets and trying to keep the peace within the city. I am grateful for our City for quickly putting together shelters for those who have lost everything. For all the Houstonian's who have donated not just physical items or money but their time to shelters and evacuee centers, thank you, thank you so much.
A hidden gem in this overcrowded city. Filled with chanting and scented oils. A place filled with serenity and peace. Marble and limestone walls. Architectural details at its finest. We walked out of there wishing we knew more and more about their religion and practice. It made us realize how naive we are about other cultures. I get to venture and absorb some knowledge, in this case in regards to Hinduism, with my lifetime partner. Ps. You aren't allowed to wear shorts or shoes while walking through the temple. So here he is. . . I think he looks quite handsome in his mundu. Love you baby.
Last year around October was the first time I heard a snip of this song. It was a minute long video uploaded to YouTube by one of her fans. Beyonce usually plays this song, along with a slideshow of intimate photos and videos of her family, during intermission at her shows. This song gave me some serious aesthetic chills!!
Even before we got engaged, I've been jotting down songs that make me feel a certain way about Him. Die With You was third on my list, for the obvious reason that it wasn't a full song. Well, two days ago, on her wedding anniversary (Beyonce) released the full song!! And now it has easily moved up to first place on my list.
The first time I heard the entire song was on my way to class and I couldn't help it—a fistful of tears streamed down my face. If my heart could sing a song about the way I feel about Him, the way I see Him. . . it would be this song.
"I don't have a reason to cry, and I have every reason to smile.
And I don't have a reason to lie, when you're already reading my mind.
And I don't have a reason to be, if I can't be with you.
And I don't need air in my lungs, if I can't sing your song.
No I don't need hands, if I don't get to keep you warm.
And I don't really need myself, if I don't need you.
'Cause darling I wake up just to sleep with you,
I open my eyes so I can see with you,
and I live so I can die with you.
And I don't really need these fingers, if I don't get to touch your spine.
No I don't need these legs, if I ain't walking by your side.
And I don't really need to be, if I can't be with you."
That Tuesday evening, we had plans to celebrate our third-year
anniversary. We decided on the restaurant and made plans to meet at his
apartment after my class ended. I have class on Tuesday evenings, therefore
setting an exact time was a little tedious. My professor usually dismisses us
fifteen minutes early but on this particular evening, she decided to keep us a little
later than usual. I sent him a text message letting him know I was still in
class and that it was better if we just met at the restaurant. He was a little
hesitant but agreed.
When I arrived at the restaurant he was already seated at a
table. I walked up to him, kissed him on the lips and sat down next to him. He
had already ordered us drinks and I could tell by his body language that he was kinda nervous. He was tapping his right foot uncontrollably and his speech was a little rushed. (I later on found
out why, of course.) He asked me about class and then joked around about the restaurant,
“I take you to the best places, only the best for my girl.” Truth be told, I
got on Yelp and found the restaurant. His only job was to show up. Haha
We ate dinner, talked some more and stared at each other the
way we normally do. We asked for the check and that was that. He told me he had
to stop by the gas station to fill up (typical stuff he does on our hang out night) and we agreed to meet
me at his place. I got to his apartment and I immediately took off my heals, I usually
put on my pajamas as soon as I get there but I didn’t do so this time. I was in
the restroom when he got there.
I walked out of the rest room and he tells me, “Babe,
one of the balcony rails is loose.”
Concerned and a little upset, mostly because our children hang off those rails almost every week,
I walked outside and started tugging on all the rails and nothing.
. . they were all perfectly fine. I finally glanced down towards the pool and
there it was, in gigantic letters, “MARRY ME?”
I gasped and when I turned
around he was on one knee, holding up a little black box with the most beautiful ring my eyes have ever seen.
I uttered out loud,
“What. . . what are you doing?”
“You are amazing Perla and I love
you so much. . ." & before he could finish I ran to him and hugged him while he was still kneeling.
"Yes, babe, yes." I replied. Even though he didn't finish asking me.
I sat on his knee and he held me until I was done crying. I then sat on the couch and stared at my ring
and then stared at him. (This went on for a good ten minutes.) He later on
told me he had this whole speech recited, so meaningful that it made his eyes twinkle a little when he thought about it. But I didn't let him get to it! & now I have to wait till our wedding day to hear it.
He also told me how difficult it was to time everything. He didn’t know what time I was
getting out of class, it didn’t help that I unexpectedly asked him to meet me
at the restaurant opposed to his place. He had to hide the rocks with pool
chairs prior to meeting me at the restaurant and then uncover them after we had
dinner so I could see them. But he said it worked out perfectly. And I couldn't agree more, the night of my proposal was everything I've never dreamed of.
To Him: I have never known love like this, nor have I
loved another human being in this way. And I honestly don’t believe one
lifetime together will ever be enough. I love you with all my heart D.R.T.