Thursday, July 12, 2012

So Many Excuses, Just One Reason

I’ve been absent from school for over a year now. And I keep telling myself, “I’ll return next semester.” And these words became repetitive. The truth is. . . ever since my Father suffered his stroke last November, I am not valiant enough to leave him at home every other evening. I feel my place is at home with Him. But my Mother is right. I have to let go of that fear and continue onward with my education.

Although I am very much proud of my Associates in Science, I still have a semi-long way to go. Along the way I changed my mind as many pupils do. I went from wanting to become a Dental Hygienist, to doing what my heart really desires, which is teaching.

I’m just afraid of that call. I would hate to be sitting in class and receiving the same call I got last November. I’m pretty tough but when it comes to my Father I crumble so easily. I’ve spent half of my life watching Him sicken. And out of all my siblings I know I tend to Him the most. But I have to find a way to step it up and just leave it in God’s hands as we always have.

It feels good letting this out. It’s been way too long since I’ve had a heart to heart talk with myself.

It sounds bizarre but sometimes jotting down words that aren’t meant to be read is the only way to escape from denial. Peace.

No comments: