Thursday, October 29, 2015

Losing My Shit

I've had such a tough week. I feel like God is testing my patience and my sanity. I can't seem to keep it together. Everything makes me cry or upset. Crap . . . I cried so much on Tuesday morning. I was running late to class and the stupid train decided to make its way across my path. I cussed at it and just sat in my car and cried and cried. I really showed that train who's the fucking boss. Gosh I hate being a woman.

Just now, I was brushing my nephew's teeth and we were having our regular conversations. There's not much you can get out of a two year old. I say something and he repeats the last three or four words. Somehow, my dad popped into my head and I asked him,

"Where's Pappa Fredo?"
He said, "I don't know."
"You don't know where Pappa Fredo is?"
He said, "No, I don't know."

And I hugged him so tight. I don't ever want him to forget his grandfather. Anyhow, he allowed me to finish squeezing him and then he took my hand and said,

"Come here Tia."

So I'm walking with him and I have no idea where he is taking me. He takes me into the living room, and he points at a picture frame of my father and says,

"He's right there Tia."

And I hugged him again and cried and cried. He pointed towards the picture frame the funeral home gave us. You know what picture frame I'm talking about. . . the really nice frame with the picture of your loved one looking so fucking angelic. Yep that one! My mom has it up on a table, altar type of thing, with flowers and candles. Anyhow, it has to be the change in the weather, the moon's orbital rotation and all that mumbo jumbo shit I enjoy reading.

I really need to get it together. Soon.