Wednesday, May 8, 2019

Baby Mom's & Dad's

One thing that I’ve learned over the years is to not use my child as bait or as a reward for the other parent. Unfortunately, not all mothers and fathers stay together forever – whatever the circumstances might be, that’s in the past; so make peace with yourself and keep moving forward. Don’t keep your child from seeing the other parent over discontent, dissatisfaction with an adult. Don't speak out on emotions that will have a repercussion. Your child is paying the price for it. The root of this comes from unhappiness from within – it has nothing to do with the other person. Take meticulous steps, process your thoughts thoroughly, and figure out why you respond to the other parent the way you do. Why are unnecessary words spoken, why are things so hostile between one another, why can’t you work it out? Your priority is your child not your personal needs nor your pride. In order to raise a child, both parents have to be on the same page – not necessarily all the time but they must be amicable between one another for the sake of their children. And communicate. . . communication is key. I’m no expert but I learned this the hard way. Long ago, I struggled with this and I had to take a good look in the mirror and self-reflect on why I behaved the way I did. Why was I so bitter towards the father of my child?

Although, I was not a single mother, I sometimes felt that way. He got to have a stress-free week and weekends while I was stuck at home with our child. My mentality had to change or else we would continue this toxic relationship. First of all, this other person, like yourself, has a life of their own. It’s unfortunate that it’s not with you or your child 24/7 but things happen for a reason. So, I stopped complaining, stopped the negativity, and I asked for help when I really needed it. I did everything in my power to be there for my son, but I asked for help when it was necessary. I never used my son as leverage or planted guilt on his father for not being there at school events or doctor appointments.  He tries to be there for him as much as he can, and that is enough for me. I keep in consideration that he has a private life of his own and he deals with his own personal issues that I know nothing about. And once in a while I let him know that I’m grateful for his efforts and that I’m happy he’s there for his child every other weekend. It seems some parents want more than that though. Take a look at your circumstances at home and make peace with whatever demons still rattle your bones. Let go and let God.

And for the parents that are missing out on their children - honestly, that's their loss. So, don't stress about it at all. I hope this helps struggling mothers and fathers out there. Be kind to one another – your children pay attention to everything you say and do.

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